The Virginian-Pilot - Shoring Up Civility

News Article

By Candy Hatcher

When Democrat John F. Kennedy was elected president in 1960, actor John Wayne, a conservative Republican, was asked his opinion.

"I didn't vote for him," Wayne said, "but he's my president, and I hope he does a good job."

Fast forward nearly 50 years, to just before the inauguration of Barack Obama. Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh was asked his hopes for Obama's presidency.

"I hope he fails," Limbaugh said.

Jonathan Haidt, a psychology professor at the University of Virginia, used those two responses last week to illustrate the erosion of civility in our culture over the decades.

His speech at the Miller Center, "Civility in American Politics. How to get (some of) it back," dissected the polarization of politics, the decline in discourse, the demonization of those with different opinions.
When people on opposite sides don't know each other, when there's no trust, they have little incentive to find common ground, he said.

So instead of discussions and civil debate, we get Rep. Joe Wilson yelling at the president: "You lie!" We get Bill Maher calling former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin slurs I can't repeat here. We get people hiding behind anonymity online to assign sinister motives to everyone with whom they disagree.

There's even a clichéd (but still appropriate) response when an American takes the nasty rhetoric too far: Aren't we better than this?

Shouldn't we be?

To build civility, we must build trust. And that starts with showing respect.

For George Washington, a Virginian sometimes credited with disseminating "110 Rules of Civility," that was Rule No. 1: "Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present."

Civility, Professor Haidt notes, is not politeness, decorum or agreement. "It's the ability to disagree with others while we respect their sincerity and decency."

I was thinking how refreshing it would be to hear leaders of the Republican and Democratic parties discuss health care, or the federal deficit, or war, without calling each other names or questioning each other's patriotism, intelligence or compassion.

As I listened to Haidt's speech, I was also thinking about my representative in Congress, freshman Rep. Scott Rigell, a Virginia Beach Republican whose positions are not often in sync with mine.

In January, Rigell had bemoaned the low level of discourse in politics and said he would do his part to improve it. "I am only one of 435," he said then, but change begins here.

He vowed to be careful about the tone of his conversation, to keep it civil and professional while still passionate and strong. Referring to the Affordable Care Act - a law he opposes - as "Obamacare," he said, is offensive. "Why use language that alienates us from our friends?"

He promised to rely on facts, to go where they lead, not follow emotion or simply align with a colleague out of loyalty.

And, he said, he will take care not to assign motives to those who disagree with him.

So I called him last week to find out how his effort is progressing. He has helped found a new caucus, "Fix Congress Now," to identify structural changes that need to happen to encourage people to work together.
The current redistricting process, he said, has hurt efforts to get anything done. Districts are so polarized that constituents complain when their representative isn't Republican enough, or Democratic enough.

"We have to find common ground, celebrate it and have the courage to vote for it," Rigell said last week.
He has reached out to Sen. Mark Warner and to Rep. Bobby Scott, both Virginia Democrats, on some issues, and they've reciprocated.

"This is where the American people want us to be," Rigell said. "It's cathartic. We're moving toward debating substance."

It is a small step, still a long way from the Duke wishing success for a president he opposed. But if we are to find our way past anger, to financial stability and a more civil society, we have to stop calling names. We have to start listening to, and learning from, each other.

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